Boomer Upgrade

Baby Boomers (born between 1946-1965) are entering into their “winter years” and in the process are facing a variety of stressors which they may not know how to manage. Mis-managed stress (distress) can contribute to a variety of mental and physical health challenges.

When Boomers were children and young adults, the popular method for dealing with difficult issues was to push the feelings away and to move on. They were not encouraged to acknowledge their upset. If they did try to share their sadness or worry, they were often labeled “weak” or “suffering from nerves”.

We now know so much more about the destructive side effects of burying distress. Many illnesses have been linked to accumulated stress and this explained very well in, “When the Body Says No – The Cost of HIdden Stress” by Dr. Gabor Mate.

The time has come for an “upgrade” in the way we manage the stressors/losses in our lives. Stuffing emotions away leads to a build-up and an eventual “explosions.” It is as if we are human “pressure cookers” and when we load up to our personal limit, significant problems can arise.

When I ask clients what they currently do to manage the stress in their lives, they generally tell me what they did in the past or what they plan to do in the future. Most of them do not have any sort of stress alleviation “program” apart from exercising or engaging in a variety of distractions. Exercise and distractions certainly have a place, but they don’t tend to lead to a marked release of pent-up feelings.

An essential part of the upgrade for managing stress requires an “attitude change” related to the emotional side of our lives. We need to move from denial and avoidance to a willingness to experiment with acceptance and the sharing of feelings.

A stress management upgrade involves developing a couple of “outlets” for the day-to-day distress we encounter and internalize; we need to release by sharing it in some way.

There are two simple outlets for distress: one is to write about our feelings and the second is to talk about them. These ideas are difficult to embrace in the sense that they are the opposite of what many of us have been taught to do in the past. It may seem awkward and strange to consider sharing our inmost feelings, but this discomfort will eventually pass, and the benefits of this release will become apparent.

Writing to a friend or keeping a journal can both be effective means for relieving stress, as long as there is a focus on feelings, and not only on activities. Some of us are more comfortable expressing their upset in an email, others in a journal; both are valid and effective.

Clients generally come to their counselling session with a burden of upset related to any number of situations. when I listen attentively, acknowledge possible feelings and refrain from jumping in right away to give advice, my client relaxes and often will leave our session much more at ease, often commenting on how different they feel.

Sharing one’s journey and its impact with another person can be particularly valuable as we often may not discern what we feel about a given situation. An empathic (emotionally focused) listener can help us to tune into ourselves. We need to unlearn the impulse to reflexively stuff away emotions which arise during any given day.

Baby Boomers are getting older and with aging come a variety of life changes related to helath and community. Friends become ill and die and grief becomes a frequent visitor. Grief and distress are very similar and can be processed in the same upgraded fashion.

There is no need to wait until one is “older” to improve the way we deal with the distress/grief in our lives.