Anxiety Protects You – But it Can Over Protect

Everyone feels anxiety at times, and when a real threat – like a truck is barreling your way – is present, you ought to feel anxious!

But for many people who lack strong inner security, anxiety becomes like an alarm that trips too easily. You’re tensing up and feeling nervous about this, that and the other thing, yet your logical mind knows you’re over-reacting.

According to Dr. Richard Schwartz, author of Internal Family Systems Therapy, that over-reactivity is protecting your most vulnerable self, called the Lost Child, and making sure she/he isn’t hurt again. The Lost Child is your original, naive childhood self who, having been hurt enough times, retreated behind a safety wall, and your system protects him/her as much as possible, from being hurt again. Anything that reminds your system of past hurts and dangers is steered away from. So, if I had a mean mother, I would avoid mean-seeming women, just as someone who’s been in a car accident wants to avoid driving. Hiding out from all the bad things, I will huddle in a safety zone, sticking to safe people and places.

But that gets boring. Sure, I’m safe but I can’t grow, experiment, try new things, meet new kinds of people. It’s more like I’m in a safety jail. I’m going to need to gather my courage, and break out of that jail, saying “I’ll take my chances that I can handle these things that I’ve considered scary.”

That powerful moment is essential for growth. Remember, your logical mind knows that a lot of the things you fear aren’t as bad as they claim. Your mind has just been operating an alarm system that’s based on, “Better safe than sorry.”

If I was in a car accident and was hit by a red truck, now I want to avoid all red vehicles. But I also know that that’s illogical: it wasn’t the colour that caused the accident. So I can say, fear sor no fear, I need to take charge of myself, and stop being controlled by things that make me unnecessarily anxious. I need to become the Captain of my ship. As Captain, I’ll decide what’s truly threatening and what’s not. to the anxious, over-protective part, I’ll say” take it easy, you’ve been overdoing it.

Confidence in my adult, reasonable, Captain self grows when I can feel nervous and then say, “Sorry anxiety, you’re blowing up something minor into something major. You’re trying to tell me there’s danger all around when there isn’t really any.” If something dangerous did come up, I’d rather have my grownup, executive self dealing with it than my scared self.

Anxiety is monotonous, going off like a car alarm when it’s just a passing breeze, getting you worked up, in a dull, automatic fashion.

Perhaps when you’re at your paid job, you are sensible, reasonable, and intelligent, but at home you’re a worrywart. the fact that you can be that reasonable, competent person at work shows you have it in you to take command of anxiety at home. Not saying you should be 100% strong and confident all the time, but that your Captain self should be in charge the majority of the time.

Cognitive Behaviour therapy helps you look at the exaggerated anxieties and question them from more grounded realism: is it really true in the bright light of day, that Nobody likes you? Do you really have to help everyone you know, always putting yourself last? Should you really try to be perfect, when that state doesn’t exist? Get unhooked from these panicky should sand exaggerations that run your life.

Internal Family Systems Therapy helps you get in touch with your Lost Child, develop your Captain self, and keep overprotective anxiety on the back burner.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is excellent for cutting painful experiences and anxieties down to size. It works quickly, as it helps the fearful, hurt self to be talked down off the ledge and to replace anxiety with balanced, realistic responses. EMDR can also be used to build up the confident Captain self. The results obtained present you with a new level of self-assurance from then on.

Become the bigger person, and put anxiety in its place!