Marriage Can Be Miserable
When a couple marries, they can be truly miserable if they follow a few simple rules!
When life is busy and stress levels are high, it is important to “do one’s own thing.” Take time to unwind and relax; this is far more important than conversing with your spouse.
If a conversation should happen to break out, be sure to react and avoid understanding what is being said to you. Feel free to be upset or annoyed; it is their fault, and they enflamed the discussion on purpose.
When your spouse gets irritated with something you have said or done, be sure to get angry with them for being irritated and ruining your day. Ignore why they were upset in the first place.
It is predictable that you will have a difference of
opinion with your spouse. Be sure to dig in and lock down with your point of view. Collaboration and compromise are highly overrated.
There is nothing quite like a good power struggle to get one fired up. Who do they think they are to be disagreeing with your opinion which makes perfect sense?
Feel free to yell and repeat yourself several times. Or if you prefer, shut down, withdraw, and speak only in monosyllables for several days.
If perchance you should say or do something they dislike, that’s their problem, not yours. If they do something to annoy or upset you, hold a grudge as long as possible so as to teach them a lesson.
Be sure to buddy up to your children and take their side when your spouse is being strict. If on the other hand you are the strict one, lay down the law with the kids and ignore your spouse’s point of view.
You are quite happy just the way you are. Why change? On the other hand, your spouse needs to change in so many ways. Be sure to let them know, as often as possible, what changes you want them to make.
Don’t worry about telling them when you are going out with friends or how long you will be out. This would be a major hassle. Your spouse, on the other hand, should ask your permission to do something on their own.
Having a miserable marriage is easy, no really!!
Denis works with couples and individuals. His areas of interest include marriage, grief and stress. He also offers counselling to those who suffer from depression and anxiety symptoms.
Denis is eclectic in his use of psychological approaches, which include Adlerian, Cognitive/behavioural, existential and emotionally focused therapies.
Denis has published a book titled, "Marriage Can Be Great!...no really," which provides tips and strategies that can assist in strengthening relationships.
Denis was a Clinical Assistant Professor of medicine at the University of British Columbia and also helped to create the first hospice program in B.C. in 1975.
Denis received his Master of Arts degree from the University of British Columbia in 1977 and works as a Registered Psychologist. He is a member of the B.C. College of Psychologists and the B.C. Psychological Association.
Most importantly Denis has been married to Maureen for over forty-five years and they have four children and four grandchildren.
